Wednesday, October 20, 2021

Chaos & Pain Training Template - Jamie Lewis (2011)

After coming to the realization that even open-source shit has more structure than I've given you guys for my style of lifting, and the fact that at least one person has been a whiny little bitch about getting a full program, I have produced one, if for no other reason than to prevent a global flood from all the tears being shed. Apparently, a paucity of programmed workouts leads to uncontrollable sobbing worldwide. 
Thus, I present to you "Exercises in Extremity."



I realize that this still doesn't give some of you the type of security you want in a workout, and to that, I say tough shit. My entire training philosophy is based upon the idea that people should do what works first and foremost, and then what they enjoy -- so stop fucking doing dumbbell flyes. They're fucking worthless, and they irritate the living shit out of me to see people doing them so they can get ripped pecs. Stop doing them; they're fucking stupid.

That out of the way, here's how this template works -- it's like a Choose Your Own Adventure Book. 

You're going to pick your workout, then pick its attributes, and then fucking annihilate it. The next day, you'll do the same thing, only picking a different block. The next day, you'll do the same thing, only picking a different block. The next day, you pick a different block from Day 2 (even if it's the same as Day 1). And so on, and so on. The exercises listed can also be done as partial reps, bottom position reps, and with a variety of grips. The name of the game is keeping it interesting, and keeping it brutal. 
We'll pretend I'm a deadlift fanatic. I love to pull. It's awesome, and I want to bring up my pull even higher. As such, I'm going to pick a pull day to start (that's Block B).
Day 1 --
Block B-2 (and since I love triples, I'll do 10 x 3)
Deadlift 10 x 3
Pushdowns 10 x 3
Thereafter, I do some neck and ab work, because I feel like it. 
Day 2 --
My legs are tired and my traps are thrashed, so I decide to hit a light day.  
Block D-1 (giant set)
Ab Wheel

Day 3 -- 
Refreshed, I decide to hit shoulders hard as fuck, so I do
Block C - Heavy Alternate
Overhead Lockouts 15 x 1 (singles)
Barbell Cheat Curls - 10 x 3 
Because I chose to do singles, but didn't want to do singles on the curls, I'll superset the first 10 sets, then just do OH presses for the final 5 sets. Afterward, I'll do some calf raises and forearm work, since I know I'm gonna squat tomorrow.
Day 4 -- 
Block A-1
Front Squat 15 x 1
Close Grip Bench Press - 15 x 1
When done, I'm beat and starving, so I head home and eat my face off. 
Day 5 -- 
Refreshed from a 3-hour cheat window, I want to pull again. Thus, I choose:
Block B-1
High Pull 12 x 2 reps
Skullcrusher / Super Skull 
After I finish that, I've still got gas in the tank, so I hit some stone loading for a while, and then go home and crash out.

 . . . and so on, and so on. 

Want to know when to take a day off? 
When your body tells you to. 

No one's exactly like another person, and most cookie cutter routines bear the built-in assumption that you suck as a human being, thus treating you with kid gloves and insuring slight but steady gains. That's not what I'm about. I'm going to assume, against my better instincts, that you're more like me than you are like every leg deficient, fucking asshole I've ever seen in a commercial gym. As such, use cramping or horrifyingly pronounced fatigue as a method for determining when you need time off. Otherwise, train away.

To forestall the aforementioned symptoms, I recommend the following: sleep, ice, heat, and supplementation. 

Lastly, an explanation of the Bear, Super Bear, and Super Skulls: 

The Bear: It's a clean & press complex. I'd start with 95 pounds and work my way up, were I you guys. It's a clean from the floor into a front squat, to an overhead press, to a back squat, to another overhead press, to a front squat, and then cleaning the bar back down to the floor. That's one rep. I like doing these for 5 x 5.

The Super Bear: A buddy of mine and I decided that the Bear didn't suck enough, so we added two more squats - overhead squats, at the top of both overhead presses. Thus, it's a clean to front squat, overhead press to overhead squat, then drop the bar on your back and back squat it, overhead press to overhead squat, then drop the bar on your collarbones and front squat, then back to the floor. Fun, right? I think we might have had a best of 5 x 5 with that using 115, and I was sore for a week. 

Super Skull: It's a skullcrusher with a weight you can do for a decent number of reps. Descend in a four count, then pulse it at the bottom (1/4 reps) for 3 reps, then blast it explosively back to the top. 

If you want to add in extra daily sessions, I recommend adding in light work on exercises you do not plan on doing the following day, just in case you get carried away. 

This isn't fucking brain surgery. 
It's weightlifting. Get you ass in the gym and
Make It Happen. 

Enjoy Your Lifting! 



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