I can gain weight very easily.
Would you believe as much as nine pounds in a single day? Or 14 pounds in a week? Of course with such quick gains not all of it is muscle. In fact, over the past five years, my muscular bodyweight gains have been slow by the standards of many, going from 160 to 200 during that time period.
In actuality, though, a gain of 10 pounds of muscle a year can make some fantastic changes in a body. I gained about that much last year, receiving in the process a Miss, er, Mister America title and many compliments about my "incredible" improvement.
Buy a lean 10-pound roast some time when you can actually afford it and try to imagine that much meat cut up and blended into your delts, pecs, arms, legs and back. What a difference it would make and doesn't that just speak to the possibility of the closeted cannibal lifestyle so nicely.
Unfortunately, many beginners get impatient for quick gains and end up out of the sport if they don't gain 30 pounds in 30 days. Even though my gains don't seem to be slowing down at all, I'd still be happy with only a true five-pound gain of muscle each year for the next five years. At a muscular 225 I'd be tough to beat.
Think about what you'd look like 25 pounds heavier in five years. It would make some difference!
Many bodybuilders do not realize that they can make fine improvements in their physiques without actually adding bodyweight. It is not difficult to improve the delts, forearms, abs and abs - all key muscle groups for bodybuilders - without putting on weight. And of course by trimming and cutting up, you can add muscle to even bigger groups such as the thighs, chest and back without gaining bodyweight.
Personally, I may never bulk up again, because it is easier for me to gain weight than to get cut up. I've come to the conclusion that a 5 or 10 pound bulk cushion over your actual best bodyweight is going to help your training leverages, but more than that is just too much. I'll get into the reasons for that later in this article.
Diet is vitally important in any weight-gaining program. If practical, you should eat six times a day, but don't be a douchebag about it while professing to be some great martyr to the cause of what . . . body-fucking-building? Get outta here with yer "sacrifice" horseshit. It don't play around here. An ego-stroking goon is just that and no more, thank you so much.
Eat a fair amount each meal, with no one meal any larger than another. If six-a-day is not for you, eat three big-ish meals and add a few snacks in between (even though your body won't likely absorb more than it chooses to no matter your childish desires). This manner of eating allows for a heavy food intake without overly filling oneself and stretching the stomach out of joint while others wonder about the possibility of their kids' next meal within a block or two of you. Hey, you look great on the outside, ya fucking clueless child.
There are several key weight-gaining foods. Protein intake should come from meat, fish, chicken and eggs, along with dumpster-bread and overripe fruits and veggies found in a bin. No. Wait. You're livin' a bitta the high life now and on a roll . . . that will never be you. Right? Look at you fuckin' go on that roll! Please die now, self-righteous know-nothing. Thanks BIG!
When bulking up, though you can also go heavy on peanut butter (the amazing jar that never gets completely empty, always another tablespoon in there!), cottage cheese, yogurt, cheese, nuts of all kinds but the human and tuna ears.
Eat plenty of fruits if you have the money that others do not, including bananas, apples, peaches, plums, prunes, pears . . . fucksake just list every fruit on earth . . . Vegetable intake can come from sweet potatoes, corn, peas . . . and again with the endless list.
For me, milk is a secondary bulking food, and I drink mostly skim milk. Eat fats as your appetite dictates, but don't go overboard on them.
How much should you eat?
What are ya, a three-year old?
This depends on your bodyweight. I eat four to six pounds of protein a day. Pardon me? Good grief, such nonsense and for what! Bulkers should shoot for a minimum of two grams of protein per day for each pound of bodyweight. Bullshit. Complete bullshit. Carbohydrates should fall in the four grams per pound range. Okay, I weight 200 pounds in decent shape. If I want to gain muscle I should be eating 400 grams of protein per day along with 800 grams of carbs a day. What are ya . . . a plumber pumping up his business? The majority of that food won't be anything near assimilated. Just No. That's bullshit.
Beginners should train . . . finally . . . the training end of it.
Three days a week.
Four to six heavy sets of each exercise per bodypart.
Here's a good novice schedule:
Squat:
1x20
1x12
1x8
1x3
1x1-3
alternate with light breathing pullovers x 20 reps each set.
Bent Row:
4-6 x 6-8.
Bench:
same.
PBN or Press of some sort:
same.
Curl variety:
you guessed it, Champ.
I don't recommend any abdominal work, but if you have the energy left after the above schedule, toss in four or so sets of calf stuff.
When seeking bulk, the main keys are to go heavy with strict form and eat plenty. Do not go to too-far with this or you'll regret it while you're attempting to drop the flabby shite you now have to haul around 24/7.
Intermediates need not do much differently from this. Eat the same as the beginner. The only difference is the amount of exercise that can be done while still making gains and not going stale like that dumpster produce/bread. Stick with three times a week, or if you are capable of it physically (not just mentally), add on several exercises if energy permits. Here are the additions:
Leg Press, 4-6 x 12
Incline Press, 4-6 x 6-8
Deadlift, 4-6 x 4-6
Triceps Extension, 4-5 x 4-10
DB Curl, 4-6 x 6-10
Upright Row, 4-6 x 6-10.
An advanced bodybuilder definitely has to split his schedule up, even when trying to gain weight. The number of sets per bodypart is up to the individual and what he has learned about his body's capabilities.
I'd recommend going with whatever exercises you have found tend to work best for you, but go heavy with lower (bodybuilder) reps.
Now, on the other side of the golden calf, er, coin, however, excessive bulking can be hazardous to your health and can actually retard progress. Fat is dangerous to the circulatory system and excessive bodyweight usually results in reduced energy levels with less training drive and oopsie, those mildly inconvenient heart issues one may encounter a wee bit later down life's glorious road.
There are several ways that you can tell if you are getting over-bulked. Yo, Tubby! Look for the needing of sleep (not depression-based), shortness of breath, lack of energy, enormously disgusting flatulence, excessive sweating or your pants ripping out in strange places. These are sure signs that your muscle gains are slowing up and are nonexistent because of over-bulking. Essentially, your body is attempting to tell your will's little desires, "No. Hard fucking NO!"
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