Whatever Works - Dim Witt

No bench press or variations of same here: 

Day One

Dip: 5 sets of 2's working to 3's whenever you're up to adding reps. You are not a machine, you are an individual living being. Please attempt to shove all spreadsheets up your filthy asshole and go away, you oh-so-serious cunts, pricks and all other pains-in-the-neck who seem to need "structure" or some such nonsense in what you call a life so unlike that of the one lived by Pyros Dimas, John Grimek, Arthur Saxon, etc., etc., and I could make a list of 'em but would rather write a recipe for chili heavy on the olives, corn, butter and peppers. Goes good with both whiskey AND whisky! 

Overhead Press, standing (well, yeah): 5's ramping up till you can only get 3. You are not a machine, you are, duh, repeating, more weight on a good day, less on one of the average days, duh. What is fucking wrong with you and why do you allow having such a huge hole in yourself? You were born perfect for what you need to experience, now stop denying it and falling for what you've been led to believe you lack . . . or not . . . I should care about your need to leave yet more garbage called "memories" and a "legacy" behind, fucking child. There's more to be gained from lifting than that crap only saps and simps fall for. Who fuckin' cares . . . you'll be a worm-infested pile of putrid, rotting hide in no time, no matter your "beliefs" or "goals" so grow the fuck up already and get real while you're here without all the crutches you seem to need. 

Day Two

Squat: same as Dips.

Leg Press or Machine Hacks: working from 10-20 reps with a weight over time. If you are working out sans one of these machine deals, well, just find a sub and shut up about it. 

Day Three

Chins: same as Dips.

Row of some sort: 5's ramped till you can only get 3.

Some type-a Curl: Don't even bother thinking about these, run the rack with DB curls, EZ bar curls, hammer curls, whatever . . . all of 'em are pretty silly, really. No one cares about your fucking arms . . . and if they do, you shouldn't wanna know the morons anymore. 

Day Four

Some DYNAMIC LIFTING for FUN, no big fuckin' thing. Enjoy yourself with some Cleans, Snatches, etc. Don't be afraid, it's just lifting is all. 

I used this for a while in the past and may return to something similar in the limited future, ba dum SSsss. 

There's no benching and thank fucking god. What a shit fucking lift, exercise, movement. Look, you nail yourself to a flat surface and then pile resistance onto shoulder girdle. . . what could possibly go wrong?

Righto, Sport . . . take a day off when needed, learn to read your body as it changes from vibrant to hardly alive and blah blah blah. 

Enjoy Your Lifting! 

I don't care what you do, but at least enjoy the shite, will ya, and fucking stop obsessing over what to bloody well do already and just get to it. Leave your brain behind. This ain't thinkee stuff, it's just lifting. There's a whole lotta other things that may even be of more worth in the long and runny that this hobby we share. 

There's some wonderful perceptions of Life in this. I enjoyed many of his takes on being old and losing memory over time. 

You can find it for an on-the-cheap read on monoscop.org or any of the filthy commie-pinko websites we all hate, despise and can find no time for!