Tuesday, October 4, 2022

The Gullibility of the Powerlifter -- Rickey Dale Crain


A wise old powerlifter once said, "If Eskimos won't buy ice why will powerlifters buy Rhinoceros Powder or Pitt Bull Optimizer in a Barrel?" 

It's New! 

It's the greatest weight gain/mass-building product ever produced in our time!! The ALL New "Metabolic Monkey Juice" from the Hahawe Gyppedyou Fitness Co. with 42,000 calories per serving (the MOST calories ever offered by anyone in a serving). 

I was so excited after reading the ad I couldn't wait to get some of the product. I had visions of 60 to 80 pounds of muscle gain each month, increasing my squat from 295 to 735 by a week from Sunday -- I'm sure I can because, Hey . . . the ad said so! Well, I decided to get a two month supply to cover me 'til the next meet. I did need to make a few arrangements though, before buying my two month supply. 

Let's see: 

1) Get a pickup truck and a dolly. 
2) Pallet in truck.
3) Three workout partners with weight belts and wraps. 
4) Letters of credit with bank for $2,000.00.

Alright, I'm on my way to my local health food store, "The Gyp Pit Health Store." As I walk in the store I saw the "Metabolic Monkey Juice" stacked in the corner. Those huge cans of powdered juice just waiting to be metabolized by my hungry body. 

I couldn't wait . . . I was excited . . . just think, me, bigger, faster, strong, and a most awesome sight after only two months of using the "Metabolic Monkey Juice." 

Hey guys, get the dolly so I can pick up a couple of cans of the stuff. 

I couldn't help but gain weight, and on just one 42,000 calorie serving each day. I know an 80 gallon can of "Metabolic Monkey Juice" was a bit more than the other brand, but I knew it would be worth it because, hey, the ad said so! 

Wow, time to pay for it. Let's see . . . with tax that comes to $1938.42 (hope my letter of credit doesn't bounce) . . . but hey, it's worth it, the ad said so! 

Hey guys, dolly the two month supply out to my truck and put in on the pallet. I can't wait to try it, starting next paycheck! 

You see, first I have to take out a loan to buy a cement mixer to mix each serving size . . . 


Enjoy Your Lifting!  

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